Unapologetically Abby

That’s the thing about grieving isn’t it…

Some days I can forget about it, push it to the back of my mind and pretend it hasn’t happened. And other days it just shows up uninvited. I remember you’re not here anymore. I remember you’re actually gone. I remember I’ll never get to see you or speak to you again. (Hopefully until we meet again.) (I try to have faith but I’m not all that religious and I don’t really know what I’d choose to believe in. I believe in something, I’m just not sure what.) And it’s like I’m right back to the first time it happened. To the day I found out.

Will it ever get any easier or do we just learn to carry it better as time goes on? You never get over losing someone you love so much, that’s for sure. One of the only people you loved so so much and one of the only people who knew you for your whole entire life. I’ll forever miss you, Nan. I hope you’re watching me from up there and I hope I’m making you proud.

I wish she could send me a sign or something. Nan never had a funeral and doesn’t have a gravestone or anything so I don’t really feel I have anywhere to go and talk to her which is why I often write it on here or I’ll write letters. But I don’t really know what to do with then once written? I think that’s something I’m going to get around to doing next. Planting a tree somewhere or creating some sort of memoir thing that we can all go and visit to talk to her and leave flowers and things. Maybe it could be somewhere that we sprinkle her ashes. That would be nice.

It’s been 2 years and we still haven’t got around to it lol. Mum won’t sprinkle her ashes because she’s not ready to let go yet, so she remains in a box in the cupboard, lol. I’d also love to go to a psychic medium. Maybe that could be something I look into soon after Christmas.

Love & hugs,

Abby x